flop :(

well, my first attempt at homemade was a total flop. I wish I could make a pun out of this but I just didn't do it right I guess. My mix did not rise :(

I don't consider myself to be a master chef, but I can usually make something that I set out to make.

I used the recipe on the bag of flour and not the recipe that I had originally planned to use. There's just too much involved in making bread. I may just skip out and use the whole wheat Triscuit crackers for "bread" next week.

not yet...

well, L isn't being supportive. Apparently this is the stupidest thing I've done. I guess I know where he's coming from. When I first read about this in Lacey's post, I thought...this is stupid. EVERYTHING has sugar (milk was the one thing for me that you just can't cut out but it doesn't have added sugar). I did realize that it's the added sugar that is important. I guess that maybe it's more about limiting my added sugars. This morning I tried to get started. I had milk, eggs, and cheese for breakfast. But when lunch time came around, I couldn't find a thing to eat. I'd planned on tuna and crackers for lunch [mayo and crackers have sugar in them]. I also think I need to research more possibilities since apparently EVERYTHING in my kitchen cabinets has sugar in it. I've found some recipes for crackers and tortilla's without sugar and I plan on making those. I'm going to give myself another week and start things next Sunday. If you have any ideas or good recipes for me, add them in the comments. This is going to be harder than I thought. Fingers crossed...

last supper

I'm lonely -- L has been working early every day for the last (shoot I can't count) __ days. Usually, I have several nights where he's late but because the last weekend he worked was an early weekend, and he worked early on Tuesday so he could go to a concert, I'm out of practice with his late nights.

Loneliness causes me to do things that I normally wouldn't do. Insert sad and depressing movie here...7 pounds. Have you seen it? It's like, put a freaking warning before the movie that people who have lost a loved one in a car accident should not watch. Of course car accidents get me thinking about mom and get me thinking about what everyone (okay not really everyone) said...she did it on purpose. Was I that bad of a daughter that she just couldn't make it to see her grandson being born? I go through my mind about our last conversation. I was so drugged up and so exhausted that I don't remember what we said. All I remember is telling her to be careful and take her time. P could wait on her. Then there was the phone call I knew would come one day or another. She'd always said that when she killed herself (not if) it would be in a way where neither my sister or I found her. She said that someone else would have to deal with her. She said that she'd take the dogs with her. So, I just find it somewhat ironic that she dies in a car accident with both dogs in tow. It's so hard (even still) to see or hear about a deadly accident. I constantly see a picture of what that accident was probably like for her. I saw the car afterward. Any somewhat smart human can determine what happened. I just don't understand but will never know if it was really an accident or if she really did it on purpose. What does it matter I guess. When she attempted suicide in 2008, she told me one thing afterward. She said that there was nothing left for her. When I confronted her about what I meant to her she simply said that I'd moved on with my life and I didn't need her anymore. So, as a counselor, I realize these thoughts are not rational, but they are still my thoughts. I got tired of hearing bad news every time the phone rang. I miss her so much, but my life is easier now. That sure doesn't help the pain I feel. I feel her loneliness, the fact that she had nothing left but sat around on a Saturday night waiting for me to call her [cause no one else was calling her]. I'd given up on her. I got tired of the bad news all the time so I quit calling as much. But now I feel everything she felt. It's almost like the car accident was her last final f-u to me. I think about what things would be like if she were around now. I'd probably still be paying her bills. She'd probably still be completely unhappy. We'd fight about something. I still miss her though. I wish I could have called her when I got my NCE test scores in the mail. I wish I could call her when I'm sad and miss her. I just want to hear her voice again. I dream about her all the time. I've forgotten what she sounded like.

with all that being said, guess what was on the dinner menu tonight? McDonalds!
Big Mac
med. caramel frap.
small fries

tomorrow I start my sugar fast (well, that is if I can get the grocery shopping done) -- it may be Monday.

more on the "NO SUGAR challenge"

**UPDATE**

I went to the grocery store yesterday and basically EVERYTHING has added sugar if it's in a can, jar, box, etc. I was able to find some organic spaghetti sauce [but I could always make my own spaghetti sauce] that did NOT have sugar in it as well as some organic pasta but I'll probably just steam a spaghetti squash. I've had one in my fridge for a while now...I bet it's bad :( I did not find any bread that didn't have some form of sugar in it. Yesterday when I was doing my research I found that bread needs the sugar to metabolize or something like that. L was arguing with me last night about how I can't use pasta and rice because it all braeks down to sugar anyway. He thinks the whole thing is silly but of course, he'll be eating his fast food for lunch every day so it won't really help him any. I was saddened to see that my bacon has sugar. Sigh...

so far, here's my ideas for recipes so far...
breakfast will be eggs and cheese with applesauce or a smoothie of some sort.
spaghetti squash and meatsauce
skillet grilled chicken with fresh veggies
chicken piccata

I'm going to take a picture of everything in my cabinet that has added sugar. This will be depressing.

Here's a running list of resources I'm using -- OH, and I'm avoiding artificial sweeteners as well.

Lacey's post that inspired me -- but I sure can't do it for a month.

another blogger who completed the challenge in a week [I don't know this person]

Inside the Pyramid - added sugars

info on hidden sugars

The shopping list and plan [so far] -- obviously anything on this list will not have added sugar.
yogurt
lots of fresh fruit
canned fruit (in case my fresh fruit can't last the week)
unsweetened applesauce
tuna
search for wraps or breads [this will probably be tough]
dinner meals should be easy
if I eat out, I'll need to have a plan in advance [my fear is that it will be hard to know for sure -- salads all the way]


--more later

No Sugar??

Well, I've decided to do it...it sure will be tough.

Next week, I'm going without "ADDED" sugar for 7 days. Louis is off 4 of the 7 days and we usually have our "date lunches" -- what was I thinking! Till then, I'm going to research things without added sugar and go ahead and plan my meals for the 7 day period. I really don't have a reason for this except that I'm craving sweets like you wouldn't believe and they seem to be my downfall. Sweets lead to salty, which leads to more sweets, which leads to more salty...you see my problem.

I haven't been good since I stopped the whole "document your every bite of food" challenge. I've probably gained all the weight back (I haven't checked). I'll check on Monday...

So, no ketchup or ranch...but milk and beef is acceptable. I'm not considering this a diet, just a way to challenge myself to eat healthier.

Thanks a lot Lacey! (a hint of sarcasm ;-)

some of my favorites

Here are a few staples in my house right now...

Jif Natural -- 190 calories (5). I rarely eat 2 tbs at a time. I blame blog posts a certain two ladies had about spoonfuls of peanut butter!! PB is super high in calories and fat, but it's a good source of protein.
Archer Farms dill pickle flavored cashews -- 160 calories (4) for 1/4 of a cup (but I rarely eat a full serving at a time) I like these because the dill flavoring is a type of flavor that is best in moderation.
Natura Valley granola thins -- D-FRIGGIN-LICIOUS! 80 calories (2). Not normally something I'd waste 2 pts. on, but it's like eating a cookie and well, cookies are usually 4 pts. a piece.

AND THE BIG DEAL!!
Thomas thin bagels [110 calories (1)] and high fiber English muffins [100 calories (1)]. The bagels are a big deal for me because I LOVE bagels! Usually, they're about 4 pts. a piece. I can make my usual breakfast sandwich for about 4 pts [compare to a regular McDonald's bacon, egg and chesse biscuit covered in butter at 420 calories (10)]

silence...

silence from me as a blogger is usually a bad thing.

Let's just say that I've eaten out at a restaurant of some sort every day for the last week [maybe not since I've gone back and thought about it]. If you kept up with my 30 days, you didn't see me eating out much. Eating out is my weakness (it used to be pretty easy when I was hard core on WW).

Just to get it out there, I'm going to try to remember...
Sunday -- didn't eat out, but didn't cook very well either (dinner consisted of tv dinners, fried pickles and fried string cheese [which btw wasn't all that great])
Saturday -- didn't eat out, but L grilled burgers (Angus beef, chips, 2 brownies!!)
Friday -- Italian...need I say more
Thursday -- Steak and Shake...seriously, need I say more (bad news!)
Wednesday -- met J at a good resturaunt and had a healthy (mushrooms, tomatoes, spinach, and mozzarella cheese) sandwich...but with chips and cake for dessert, not so good for you.
Tuesday of last week -- K drove up for the day...lunch at Corkey's (catfish po-boy)

so yeah...I've got some work to do.