"shock to the system"

I know I talk about my mom a lot on here...I'm slowly healing -- this is my outlet. It helps me get these feelings out. I lived my whole life (most of it anyway) hiding feelings and emotions till I finally found friends who would listen and not judge; amazing friends. Just when I think that I'm done grieving something else comes up. I'm good right now -- this isn't me going back into a rut and dealing with things again...for the millionth time. But I read this today and it hit home.

I used to read "Grey Matter" a long while back but time prevented me from keeping up. I had some free time tonight and I thought I'd catch up. I really like where they are going with this season of Grey's because in a way, it hits home for me. It's like that constant PTSD from an accident that I was not involved in. Every time I'm in a car, I think about her accident. I picture in my mind what happened and it scares the mess out of me; it makes me so incredibly sad to think about what she went through when she was thrown from her car. Was she conscious? Did she feel pain? Did she pray to God to take her? When the witness to the accident called me, had he seen all of this? Does he live with these images every day? Does he even think about that woman whose phone he picked up and dialed? Does he think about me -- the girl who told him she was in labor waiting for her mom to show? I picture the scene of her dog/best friend lying beside her -- the way they found him. These images are in my head. I wasn't on the scene. I haven't talked to anyone who witnessed the accident, but I'm constantly picturing it in my mind. Things have gotten easier. I no longer cry when I see an accident. Sometimes I'm even able to pass the accident site and don't even realize I've passed it till I've passed it (what a strange sentence). But there's always something that triggers an emotion. Now on to the reason for the post...

"If you’ve ever lost someone, or been terribly hurt, I think it’s fair to say that no matter how good a job you’ve done grieving, no matter far you’ve gotten past the pain, you’re never really safe from feeling that loss again. You run across a picture. A thing they gave you. You hear a song, or someone says a phrase, and suddenly that loss and pain is as present and immediate as if it was happening right now. It’s a shock, a complete surprise and, like the original event itself, something you can never see coming, never prepare yourself for. Because a trauma this immense doesn’t heal quickly. It creates wounds so deep they won’t make themselves known for a long time to come. And when they do, they blindside you." -- Bill Harper GA writer