PointsPlus

So, I'm super behind on updates. I guess I just haven't had a reason to vent. That's pretty much what I use this for anyway. I just haven't felt like writing much lately. I've started the new PointsPlus program and have mixed thoughts about it. First thing, I've been doing WW for 4 years now and I've had to completely rethink everything I've every thought about the program and I've started to trash everything that I've ever saved...cookbooks, recipes, etc. all with the old Points values on them. There are aspects of the program that I like (free fruit and some free veggies) but I also hate that most of the stuff I used to eat has now increased a bit. I get their new plan...to keep me from using my points to eat the crap I used to, but it makes me sad that my 1 pt. fudge bar is now 3 pts! Anyway, in the first week, I lost 3.5 lbs (post Thanksgiving)...but last week I gained 2 of that back. My food scale died so I haven't been measuring and counting this week like I should have but I bought a new one yesterday. I'm honestly afraid that I may not have been eating enough. I've got a rough food season ahead...Christmas celebrated twice, trip to LA, 2 weddings, and 3 birthday parties in the 6 weeks. Boy oh boy...

so...

I've been a little MIA huh? I finally found my camera so I plan to catch up on my photo blog over the weekend.

I finished The Help (part of my 30B430 journey). Man, that book sure was hard to get started. I have some pretty serious reading issues, it was a little difficult to comprehend the speech. Anyway, after several chapters, I was able to get in a flow and it was hard to put it down. It's a little harder to read books now that I have to juggle P but I did finally finish it.

I've started Into the Wild. I received this book a long while back from an old boss of mine when he was cleaning out his office. He highly recommended that I read it and it's been sitting on my bookshelf since. Funny thing, when I was looking for books that had been made into movies, I found this one and figured what the heck. I'm really enjoying it so far. There's something really special about the story of this guy who drops everything, donates his entire savings to charity, and decides to roam the country. You know how the book ends at the very beginning, but this story is about his journey.

I think I might try Morning Glory next. I saw it on the shelves at Target today and thought about buying it, but figured I should at least get through this one first. The reviews don't look very promising though so maybe not?

Anyway...I went and weighed at WW today - stupid me wore my tennis shoes. I was up a pound from 2 weeks ago (I skipped last week for a family outing that was a bust), but I'm guessing that my shoes probably weigh 2 lbs. If nothing else, I should have a little cushion for next week ;-) I'm still struggling with all of this but with a big announcement of changes in the WW program starting in December, I'm holding out for the new program. I hear that you're able to eat all the fruit and veggies you want. When I did WW previously, I didn't count my fruit and veggies and that really worked for me. Who knows though...sadly, my resolution for the year was to lose 30 lbs and I've only lost like 10. I guess it's something huh?

On a completely different note, I've become obsessed with itso cube storage bins from Target!! Right now, Target has a sale on some of the products. I've used them for several different things -- very versatile!

dude, where's my camera?

I've lost my camera....my car is a big ole mess and I'm sure hoping it's in there. It sure is a nice camera. At first I thought it may have been stolen out of my car, but my flute is still sitting on the seat.

Bummer....

remember me?

P has no idea who the person in this picture is. He asks, "Mama, who's that?" This is an old picture, and it's weird to see, but I was this girl a while back and I'm proud to say that I won't be her again. I'm seriously not sure how I ever let it get that bad. I'm just trucking along -- slowly but surely wins the race right? It just so slow. I was thinking the other day about how I have no idea how much I weigh right now or how much weight I've lost in the last 3 months. I know it's somewhere around 7.5 pounds (which I think is ridiculous but I've accepted it). When I did WW the first time, I thought it was silly when people had no idea how much weight they had lost but that's who I am. I think it has a lot to do with the slow progress and the up .2 down .6 funk I'm in the middle of. We took a bunch of pictures while trick-or-treating last night and I wasn't completely disgusted with how I look. I have somewhere around 27 pounds left to lose before being at goal for WW. It has been such a slow journey, but at least I can look at this and know that I won't be her again. It's worth it, I just need to look back sometimes and see how far I've come.

product recommendation!!

If you're like me, you want to make sure you have plenty of options to get in your allotted fruit for the day. I started buying these for P a while back because of the variety of fruit in a fruit cup to add to the other fruit sources he gets -- at least one per meal (I always dumped out the juice and flushed the fruit with water a couple of times before giving it to him)...plus, I stole the cherries (gasp, I know). When I picked up a couple of packages the other day, I realized the new label at the bottom of the packaging...now in 100% fruit juices!! Geeze, this is huge. It's so hard to find good fruit cups and the good ones are usually coated in some sort of "lite syrup." This one is sooo delicious -- if you like all the fruits in side. The juices it's packed in appear to be lemon and white grape juice from concentrate. It has a pineappley twang to it, but I love pineapple.

some of the important nutritional stats -- if I didn't put it here, it's trivial to me.
1 WW point
70 calories
0g fat
1 g fiber
16g sugars
Vitamin A -- 2%
Vitamin C -- 45%
Iron -- 2%

down!

I lost a pound this week. Talked to Lisa at the WW meeting while I was in line to weigh. I told her that I had seriously considered not coming back. She praised me for my loss (but I was hoping for more) and encouraged me to keep coming and said that with only 27 lbs to go before I reach my goal weight, I should keep chugging along. I told her that technically, I needed to lose 33 lbs in order to lead my own classes - she always talked to me about leading my own class one day - but her reaction was different this time around. As I sat in the meeting this week I thought about how I relate the most to reality therapy when working with clients. I asked myself (I didn't pay much attention to the actual meeting) if I was happy where I was. I am making excuses for where I currently am, and I am choosing to eat foods and not track, I am choosing to not exercise knowing what the consequences are for not doing so. I've said it a thousand times...WW is 100% effective in losing weight and keeping it off, but the trick is, you have to be 100% invested in the lifestyle change. I've realized that while I want a quick fix for weight loss, I am not 100% invested, therefore I am not going to get the speedy results that I want. I am in it though...it just means that it will take longer and I have to accept that. I'm not sure why 1 pound isn't good enough.

Thoughts though...these people on Biggest Loser started waaay heavier than I did (this time around anyway) and in less time than I'd ever hope for, they will be super skinny and fit. What's the difference between us? Besides having 8-10 hrs a day to work out and trainers and all the healthy food you could ask for (free healthy food is the important point here), they want it. If they don't want it, somehow it always works out that they leave the show.

So...I'm going to stick with it for now. We'll see where my journey goes.

_____________________________________
On a COMPLETELY different note -- we get the Hub channel now and Doogie Howser, MD comes on...talk about a flash back!

"shock to the system"

I know I talk about my mom a lot on here...I'm slowly healing -- this is my outlet. It helps me get these feelings out. I lived my whole life (most of it anyway) hiding feelings and emotions till I finally found friends who would listen and not judge; amazing friends. Just when I think that I'm done grieving something else comes up. I'm good right now -- this isn't me going back into a rut and dealing with things again...for the millionth time. But I read this today and it hit home.

I used to read "Grey Matter" a long while back but time prevented me from keeping up. I had some free time tonight and I thought I'd catch up. I really like where they are going with this season of Grey's because in a way, it hits home for me. It's like that constant PTSD from an accident that I was not involved in. Every time I'm in a car, I think about her accident. I picture in my mind what happened and it scares the mess out of me; it makes me so incredibly sad to think about what she went through when she was thrown from her car. Was she conscious? Did she feel pain? Did she pray to God to take her? When the witness to the accident called me, had he seen all of this? Does he live with these images every day? Does he even think about that woman whose phone he picked up and dialed? Does he think about me -- the girl who told him she was in labor waiting for her mom to show? I picture the scene of her dog/best friend lying beside her -- the way they found him. These images are in my head. I wasn't on the scene. I haven't talked to anyone who witnessed the accident, but I'm constantly picturing it in my mind. Things have gotten easier. I no longer cry when I see an accident. Sometimes I'm even able to pass the accident site and don't even realize I've passed it till I've passed it (what a strange sentence). But there's always something that triggers an emotion. Now on to the reason for the post...

"If you’ve ever lost someone, or been terribly hurt, I think it’s fair to say that no matter how good a job you’ve done grieving, no matter far you’ve gotten past the pain, you’re never really safe from feeling that loss again. You run across a picture. A thing they gave you. You hear a song, or someone says a phrase, and suddenly that loss and pain is as present and immediate as if it was happening right now. It’s a shock, a complete surprise and, like the original event itself, something you can never see coming, never prepare yourself for. Because a trauma this immense doesn’t heal quickly. It creates wounds so deep they won’t make themselves known for a long time to come. And when they do, they blindside you." -- Bill Harper GA writer

what's next?

I would say that I'm very happy with my life right now. I no longer cringe when my phone rings and my mom is on the other end. I no longer fear what is going to happen the next day with her. I no longer stress out about work and getting things done while also rushing to get home and cook dinner, spend quality time with the family, clean house, and go to bed only to do these things all over again the next day. I've been blessed with the opportunity to be a SAHM for a little while and I'm trying to take in every minute. I'm so grateful for the situation that we have now. I've said this a thousand times...I really miss my mom...but where we are now is so much better than where we were.

With all that being said, I dread Saturdays now. I dread the 25 minute drive to the WW meeting. I dread the walk in the building. I dread getting on the scale. I dread lots of things because the weight isn't coming off like I'd hoped it would.

On my way to the meeting today, I did a lot of soul searching. I had a lot of time alone to think about why I'm here at this point right now. Why am I trying to lose the weight...again? I'm not sure if it's for me. I think that I'm trying to lose weight for everyone else. I'm sure you're thinking, I don't care what you look like, but I think that I'm trying to lose the weight so that others won't see me as fat Candice -- just Candice. I want L to be proud that I'm his wife. I'll keep doing my soul searching to figure out who I want to be.

Thoughts though? -- should I spend the $40 a month and continue the meetings or should I spend the $40 a month and find a gym? So many thoughts! What I do know that as long as I am being held accountable I will be more likely to make better decisions with fear of a big weight gain on the scales...but a gym membership may be just what I need to get back in the swing of things. I haven't priced gyms with child care so I may not be able to find one that meets all my needs. Gonna think about these things.

If you haven't checked out my 30B430 pages yet lately you should...I've marked a few things off my list! ;-)

another depressing day

I arrived 20 minutes early to the WW meeting today only to discover that they've moved. I guess that's what happens when you miss 2 weeks in a row. Luckily, it was to a new building in the same strip mall. When I started this journey 4 or so years ago (actually it will be 4 years this month) I was motivated to lose weight -- not sure what was the motivator at the time but it's not there now. It's weird, I think that I wanted to please my WW leader. I wanted to be the one who lost the most weight (and I quickly became that person). I'm now the person who doesn't lose much and skips meetings. She rarely acknowledges me anymore. There are other "superstars" that she focuses her energy on more. I now see what it was the other people at my @work meetings saw. She does give more attention to her superstar. I need to think about what my motivations are right now (cause my motivations need to be personal and not about what other people think). Why am I on this journey (wasting money) when I'm not sure why I'm here. Today was tough for me because I felt alone. Everyone there had a buddy -- being a husband, child, sibling, best friend -- and I didn't. I feel alone because when it comes time to eat no one thinks about choosing something that is healthy and I don't want to be the bad guy (so I usually just give in). I'm tired of being the one who "has to choose" because of a "diet." Why can't people just choose to eat healthy for themselves -- I don't want it to always be about me? For isntance, L wanted pizza on Tuesday (stupid two for Tuesday promotion) so I said, sure, just order me my regular. I only ate 2 pieces and felt sick afterward not because I ate the pizza, but sick because another week was quickly going down the drain.

I'm going to give this another month. The next 3 months are the absolute hardest part in a weight loss/lifestyle changing journey; Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas. I love chocolate more than anything else (when it comes to food) so this month will be especially difficult. Yesterday was my cheat day and today I get back started on for real measuring and tracking for a week. I know this goal sounds crazy but if I don't lose at least 2 lbs [this week] doing this the "right" way, I may have to cancel my membership and do some reevaluating of my life goals.

243 Project

basically a 365 project...but only in 8 months -- I've got a page of ideas that I'm using for inspiration but my plan is to just take a picture when I get the urge.

The number 13 is one of my favorite numbers. It's always the number that people are the most afraid of but it was the day that my life changed -- the day that L and I started dating. Here's my first 13 days of photos in a simple collage. Enjoy!

obviously the pictures aren't in any particular order -- just what worked in organization. Here's a little snippet about what each shot meant to me.

1 -- this morning I saw this view while letting the dogs out and I had to snap it.
This picture spoke to me today -- peacefulness after yesterday's insanity. P used the dump truck to pick up the leaves and then used a stick to throw them around.
I'm not a pro, but I love the lighting in this shot.

2 -- Cheat Day: I lost a stick of butter today (pretty depressing but it's nice to actually see it); here's my reward!

3 -- some quiet reading time for Mr. P

4 -- Seriously? I'll go on immediately to save your cigarette brand...right.

5 -- sweet pups share their new bed; not very well anyway

6 -- pull, pull; all in a hard day's work!

7 --the sign of a good day; stuff everywhere

8 --new shoes

9 -- father and son (pure heaven)

10 -- dirt 1 - pumpkin 0 (dirt always wins in the end)

11-- sweet Guggle (Tucker)

12 -- I heart pancakes; and so does P!

13 -- missing my friend; sushi anyone?


I hate that these collages are so small...may need to rethink this

14 -- picnic in the park; my favorite family time!

15 -- hide and seek with little feet

16 -- P is super scared of this witch

17 -- L's changed a bit as you can see

18 -- P's scarecrow and "elbow"

So, we've had 31 days of photos. October's pictures had a lot to do with Halloween. I love Halloween a lot! It's so much fun to think that you can decorate and dress as scary or as cute as you'd like. I saw so many ideas this year and hope to use those ideas for our decor next year!

19. Happy Belated 1st Birthday to Sean

20. Walking through the corn maze/maize

21. chocolate pudding = pure deliciousness

22. Mr. Pumpkinhead's pieces

23. nighttime glow

24. decor assistance and readjustment

25. a storm's a brewing (we haven't had rain in months)

26. a tree grew in my flowerbed over night!

27. over-protection

28. for he's a jolly good fellow

29. a tech savvy kiddo

30. pumpkin suicide

31. all in a night's work

Well, I'm a bit behind schedule...November was especially busy and December has proven to be the same. Here are photos from the first 26 days of November. I'm not sure what I did after Thanksgiving? I've skipped a few days as well? Maybe I have pictures on my other camera.

1. a little fun with the leftover Halloween candy

2. saying farewell to a best friend

3. the clock was a little sad

4. P's self portrait

5. look who visits from time to time

6. a sack of potatoes

7. quarterly toy cleaning

8. silly pups

9. who's the boss?

10. lunchtime duel

11. He's watching you!

12. reading time

13. there's no denying that orange box

14. I'll help mama...

15. for Tina

16. my spread of grub courtesy of Parker

17. Hello there!

18. Goofball!

19. so, I really want a glue stick with my pack of batteries? I'm missing the connection here.

20. sweet little feet

21. time for a haircut!

22. a little fun with my new camera

23. dare to be different

24. Thanksgiving feast - PMan Style

25. What's in here?

26. WELCOME HOME!

30B430!

Well, my journey to 30 isn't far from being over. In just 8 short months, I'll be there...Here's a list of things I'd like to do before that day arrives. I think today's date is pretty cool 10-01-10.

I have a little over 5 months left and it's sure not looking good....

Completed 7 out of 30

1. see where my mom grew up (LA -- Sun Valley) DONE
2. go whale watching in the Pacific DONE
3. see the Ellen Show in person
-- this isn't looking so good; I haven't heard from an Ellen rep about tickets yet :(
-- I was able to walk on the Ellen set, stand on her star, and dance across the same row she does, I'm going to count this! DONE
4. be a mom of two (this one isn't happening -- but I left it here because I always thought I'd have 2 kids when I was 30)
5. bake a cake from scratch DONE
-- Baked P's birthday cake
6. attack the Vermonster (again)
7. go blonde (again) DONE...kind of
8. watch 5 movies based on books (and read the books) -- [0/5 Books 0/5 Movies]
-- currently working on "The Help"
9. go camping with the family
10. mentor a child
11. take a dance lesson
12. swim with dolphins
13. attend a cooking class
14. send gifts to three people for no reason [2/3]
-- gave my friend K a onesie for an expected little girl!!
-- sent my friend R an outfit for her new daughter
15. send 30 cards to 30 different people for no reason [2/30]
-- card to GeGe from P
-- card to BFF
16. cook a 3 course dinner and have a dinner party -- with fine china
-- I made Christmas dinner for family and used china...not sure if this counts yet
17. drive a convertible
-- I've been pricing convertibles lately; can't wait!
18. actually make it up on water ski's
-- this might not happen; I hadn't thought about weather over the next 8 months
19. complete a 365 photo project (in 8 months - 243 days)
20. get a tattoo
21. ride a horse on the beach
22. ride a mechanical bull
23. learn how to shoot a gun
24. watch a movie (in a theater) by myself
25. make a photo book of just Louis and I
-- in progress
26. edit and make my mom's story book a real book (and try to get it published)
27. participate in lent
28. travel to two states I've never been to before DONE
-- California
-- Utah
29. get fitted for a bra (and buy a nice one)
-- Done
30. witness a miracle

Here are 5 more to give me a little wiggle room.
31. get my eyebrows waxed
32. toast with an expensive champagne
33. dance on the bar at Coyote Ugly
34. go on a real date with Louis to a fancy restaurant...
35. complete a major sewing project

moments of memory

I cleaned out the closet today -- I don't know why I expect you to know what closet I'm talking about -- the closet where I've stashed all the things I wanted to keep from my mom's car after the accident (the stuff I didn't want to put away). The closet that is ridiculously packed to the brim and is blocked by the dog crate for minimal access. Inside was her coat (the one that she made and wore ALL THE TIME -- It smelled bad and I was somewhat embarrassed when she wore it -- but it smelled like her) which still has sticks and grass in it, her suitcase (neatly packed in preparation for a week long stay with her new grandson), her air mattress and heating blanket, and the hardest thing of all, a dozen reams of fancy yarn (for the blanket she was making for Parker -- the blanket that I swore I'd finish for him). I felt her. It was weird. I've always heard people say that they feel those who are close to them, but I got this weird rush when I held her coat. I miss her more than I ever thought I would, but I think that as time passes, things get easier for me to deal with. She's happy now -- I'm happy now. I have so many regrets from the last 5 years. I wish I'd treated her better; I wish that I'd told her I loved her more; I wish I'd hugged her and been there. That's all she really needed I think. She was sad and she was lonely. She made my life a living hell but it was because she was living in her own personal hell at the time. I think a lot of my eating issues have a lot to do with the constant regret that I've lived with since way before she died. It probably all started when I became happy with myself and realized how unhappy she was. Food feels good...I think I need some sort of OEA meeting to help me with all of this (I think that is what we consider the WW meetings). Time eases pain...but there will always be these little moments of memory that hurt a little. Thankfully, I have blogging as an outlet and pretzel M&M's to help to -- just kidding, I didn't eat any pretzel M&M's.

Lose for Good

Well...I'm up this week; one stick of butter (.4lbs) to be exact. I expected more (at one point this week, my scale said I was up 4 lbs) so you can imagine I was actually quite happy with that number. I'd like to use muscle building as an excuse, but who knows for sure why I'm up. I've got to start being consistent! I only have 23 lbs to go before I reach my goal weight, but as I remember from last time, those pounds seem to take the longest to get off. This week, WW started their Lose for Good campaign (I believe this is their third year do to it).
Every WW member pound lost accumulates to the goal of 1 million pounds lost, then WW makes donations based on every million lost. BUT... for every pound I lose, I'm going to donate one canned good to the food bank. It's supposed to symbolize one pound lost, one pound donated. Today I held 7 lbs of canned goods and it's insane to feel that and imagine it being gone. I've been having a hard time finding the motivation to stick with the strict program but I hope that this can help me.

As part of the challenge, I've also set some goals for myself for the next 7 weeks.

--lose 7 lbs
--drink 8 glasses of water a day
--track meals and snacks
--attend WW meetings
--one cheat meal every other week instead of every week

Here's where I need your advice...I'm torn between this last goal...I'd like it to be related to losing weight and donating food.

--if I fail to lose 7 lbs in a week, I will donate an additional 7 non-perishable goods to the food bank
OR
--I will donate 2 non-perishable goods for every pound over 7 that I lose.
OR
--I will donate 1 non-perishable good for every day that I do not meet a goal.
OR
--your suggested goal
OR
--any combination of these

It seems to me that either way, the food bank wins but I'm just not sure which sounds better as far as motivation for me.

I'd like to challenge you guys to participate in this challenge in some capacity. You don't have to join WW...you don't have to lose weight...but I'd like you to set some healthy goals for yourself and have some sort of food bank donation as an end result of your goals. I'd like to hear what you think.

Phew!

Well, after talking myself in and out of walking, I finally got P dressed for another walk. I decided to try out Patriot Lake at Shelby Farms today. I won't do it again (absolutely no shade for P in the stroller) but I'm glad I went. The course is about 1.67 miles long. I probably only spent 30-45 minutes (max) walking (I took several breaks to offer P water). I meant to check my clock before I left but forgot.

At least I got out...

I hate walking!

...but I'm glad I went.

L slept in this morning (like he does pretty much every single morning he can) so I loaded P in the car and we went to Shelby Farms. Most of the time I wish I had a partner in all this. I think I'm pretty lucky to have such a great place at my disposal so I might as well take advantage of it. The walked started out pretty shaky. My Maclaren stroller wasn't having the MAJOR off roading that we had to do because of MAJOR construction (this will be nice when it's done though). I did not enjoy that part at all. I sure would have liked some advance notice. The entire time I kept thinking about how much I hate walking but I tried to use the time as spiritual me time as well. With P in the stroller, all was quiet and peaceful. After about 45 minutes of intense walking P was getting restless so I let him walk around. Funny that it was about 45 more minutes before we made it to the car (he's super slow and we only had about 10 minutes of walking left). I ran into an old friend and we talked the last 30 minutes, which helped the time fly. Once I was in the car, I was glad I went. I went home and had my recovery drink (hehe). I figured if I'd earned 6 activity points, I could afford some chocolate milk.

Now, I've got to find another place to walk until they're done with construction. I don't feel safe walking most places here though...

FINALLY!!

Today went well! I met Lisa (my WW leader) at the door and she asked me how things were going. I told her how I'd been discouraged with the lack of weight loss over the last 5 weeks. To me, 1.6 lbs is hardly a decent amount of weight to lose in 5 weeks.

The receptionist congratulated me on a good loss for the week.
R: Good Loss!
me: (in my head)The last time you said that, it was 1.4 lbs and I'd hardly call that good for a first week. I stood there making small talk while she had my book.
R:What was your starting weight again?
Me: 248.8 (Geeze, how much did I lose?)
R: Well, then I need to give you your 50lb weight
Me: I've already lost 93 lbs, I have all the awards already -- I had a baby, got fat again.
R: Oh, well congrats then (on the baby)
Me: (thanks...how much did I lose)
R: You had a good week
Me: (you already said that)
R: 4.6 lbs, Congrats!
Me: Thank you thank you thank you!!

Lisa recognized me (in a weird way, I really needed that) in front of everyone and it felt good. Sure, I'd lost 4.6 lbs in 3 weeks, but a 1.5 weekly average isn't too bad. So let's discuss this...the first 2 weeks, I'd religiously tracked every single thing I ate (and lost 1.6 lbs total). Week 3 consisted of 4 days of eating out for every meal. Week 4 was bad all around...and last week, Week 5, I ate responsibly (and might I add, did not track anything) and lost the majority of the weight. While I'd hoped for me, an average of 1 lb a week isn't too bad. It's what I expected the norm to be.

Before the meeting started, the lady next to me and I talked about exercise. She asked me if I had done Zumba. I told her that I'd heard several friends who bragged about how much fun it was, but I personally hadn't. She has a gym membership that she doesn't use. She told me about how she has two small children and finds it hard to work out. We shared our struggles with finding me time. It was nice to finally have someone to really talk to in the meetings. (I'd talked to people before but nothing related to the struggles I'd been having). Lisa's topic for the meeting was struggles with exercise. She and I laughed...our own personal inside joke. The whole group shared the benefits of exercise and no one mentioned how hard it is to get involved in a hard core program. There are not many people who have small children consuming their time. It's discouraging when you hear everyone talk about their exercise regiment (none of which mention having a toddler pulling at the leg while working out to a video or walking around the block). Plus, I HATE exercise (sidenote: I enjoy the elliptical machine but can't afford one of my own). Lisa said that if you don't like doing it, you won't do it (and she's right), but one thing she said to me really hit home. Her mom was a GREAT mom...she did everything for the family (cooking, cleaning, love) but she never took time for herself. Now, she's elderly and disabled with the means to travel but she can't. So, I'm going to try my hardest to take care of myself so that I can take care of everyone as long as I can. It's not going to be easy at all...heck, taking care of a toddler is easier than taking the time to take care of myself. I'm going to try to figure out a routine that includes walking for an hour a day -- hey, it's a start.

So, I'm happily back on track and trying to figure out how to take care of me. BTW...I've met my first weight loss goal! I'm under 190!

apples, pears, and fasting

I read about a fast that is supposed to help pass gallstones. I've been having gallbladder issues over the past week or so. Had another major attack a week ago. Since then, I've noticed some lower back pain that is pretty consistent with the last attack I had (while pregnant with P). The doctors said that my gallbladder appeared healthy so they didn't want to do surgery. Since then, I've been pretty good about avoiding (or drastically reducing) super greasy, high fat, and caffeine infused foods but our mini-vacation wasn't super good for that. I think it was a combination of the Sal and Mookie's pizza and the super coffee drink from McDonalds that finally put my poor gallbladder over the edge.

So, the point of this is that after the second major attack, I went out searching for a way to non-surgically help with these two little stones. There are several different cleanses out there (some of which involved an enema), but I found this -- (it's not scientific by any means!)

"what's helped me in the past is a two day cleanse. This includes and ONLY includes: Pear juice, pears, apple juice (but NO apples), and as much apple sauce as one's self can take, cuz that is the entire menu, and water, of course. For 2 whole days only those items. You may find towards the end of the cleanse some unexpected stones in your stool."

I'm starving...

SUSHI!!

I made sushi tonight...not my best work; but I think with a little practice, I can get better. Check out my fake sushi mat. I found this place-mat at Walmart for $.50. It wasn't perfect, but I think it helped.

roll #1 begins (I later figured out that you shouldn't put rice on the entire seaweed sheet
when all my rice started flowing out the end).

cream cheese, cucumber, avocado, "crabstick"

roll #1

starting roll #2
(notice the extra strip of seaweed, it helped me roll tighter)

I didn't roll the first one very well, but it tasted pretty good.

roll #2

L wasn't impressed (and honestly, neither was I)...part of me wants to try again and see what I can do. The flavor wasn't the same. I'm not sure what I was missing...maybe it's the eel sauce. I kid...I guess I need to take a class on sushi rolling 101.

2 weeks wasted...

It's been 2 weeks (and $18.44) since I went to a WW meeting. I pay 9.22 a week to go to those meetings till I get back to my goal weight. Last week I searched for a meeting while we were traveling and didn't find one that fit our travel times. This week, I got on the scale at home only to see that I'm up a pound from 2 weeks ago so I said forget it (plus L is at work and taking P to the meetings is difficult). Honestly, I'm pretty discouraged and am not sure where I'm going to go from here. Maybe now that traveling is done and life is back to normal (for the most part) I can get things straight.

sour taste of defeat...

I've tasted victory...it was delicious! I worked my rear end off week after week and lost 90 lbs in 2 and 1/2 years. Now tell me why now, doing the exact same things I did then, I lost a minuscule .2 lbs this week. I sat in the meeting today almost in tears because I felt defeated. I'm tired of turning down a nice trip out with friends because I'm trying to be good and only eat quality foods at home. I watched everyone (skinny folks mind you) at the dinner table eat FRIED PICKLES (my absolute favorite snack) while I sat there sipping my water waiting on my baked fish. The baked fish was delicious, don't get me wrong, but that basket of pickles looked amazing. I get so frustrated when people make absolutely no attempt to lose weight and do it with ease. I know the grass is greener on the other side, I've tasted it...but it wasn't easy for me and I had absolutely no room for the indulgences that some of you (not pointing fingers) enjoy on a regular basis. I'm tired of skinny people trying to sell me fast food on tv. In the meeting today they talked about patience and persistance. I'm glad I stayed for the meeting but at the same time, listening to everyone's 3 lb, 2 lb, and 4 lb losses was hard to swallow when I did everything I needed to do this week. Yes I splurged one day and got donuts, but I compensated with my meals and had plenty of bonus points remaining at the end of the week.

chocolate cherry filled donut!

I caved...and it was so good (that and the blueberry cake donut)

BUT I felt so sick afterward.

I hate the slow process of a lifestyle change like WW!!

sigh...

Well, today was week 2 of WW and I almost cried the whole way home today (but it's hard to do that when you're on the phone with P). According to my bathroom scale, I had lost 2 lbs (I was hoping for more than that to be honest) but when I got on the scale at the WW meeting, she said you've lost 1.4 lbs...great job. Great job? That sucks! I've been there before, I've been that person who says, a loss is a loss, you should take it but this week I was really hoping for a big 1st week loss. I calculated my points and did the best I could with what I had to work with. I even gave myself a big cushion with 14 remaining bonus points for the end of the week.

Oh well...

On another note, last night I bought some Nutella for P (I'd had it a looong time ago and remember hating it). That stuff is freaking delicious!! I feel like I've been missing out all these years and just can't figure out what about it I didn't like the last time. At 200 calories a serving and 11 grams of fat...it's bad news for my WW program (5 pts a serving!), but I'm going to have to figure something out.

So I'm going to go cry for a little while and move on from this week's loss...one can only hope for a bigger loss next week.

product review!!

So, I believe it was Tina who introduced me to MetroMint Water waaaayyyy back when -- a loong time ago.

I've tried the peppermint water and absolutely loved it. Way back when a few years ago, it was only about .99 cents a bottle (I'd buy 7 at a time). At a whopping $1.49 a bottle, it's almost a delicacy at this point. We joked about trying all the varieties but I've only been able to find the spearmint and peppermint. While perusing at Kroger the other day, I found chocolatemint (scroll down) and decided to give it a try. The first few sips were pretty gross but man that stuff is quite addicting. It really does taste like chocolate mint. It's kind of like a liquid version of those chocolate mint that you buy to eat. It's not one of those things you'd drink on a regular basis, but if you haven't tried the MetroMint water, you should at least buy the peppermint version. It's coooold and delicious! I'd buy another chooclatemint bottle again but I'd buy the peppermint version frequently if it was cheaper. It's especially good for those hot weather days when you decide to run outside or complete a 5K.

well, the 7 day sugar cleanse has ended!! THANK GOODNESS...

I've been busy this weekend so I'll do a quick update. Saturday I started WW again (for real this time...like, I'm going to meetings and all). I really like WW because it's kind of like AA for those of us who have an addiction to food. The sugar cleanse ended on Saturday as well. I treated myself to a small vanilla milkshake after it was done and felt pretty sick afterward. I love ice cream but it seems that lately, I've felt pretty gross after I am done. Anyway, long story short, what did I learn this week?

1. EVERYTHING that is good has sugar in it (except for chips and only certain cheese dips)
2. I love chocolate chip pancakes more than anything else in the world (sorry, that came out of nowhere)
3. The challenge was difficult in the beginning, but after the first day it was pretty easy to find meals as long as I planned them in advance.
4. I enjoy cooking meals like the "real" chefs do (with a million different ingredients!)
5. I love banana nut bread!
6. I do not enjoy apple banana bread!
7. I couldn't do a sugar cleanse for more than 7 days!
8. In the end, I didn't miss sugar as much as I thought I would.

So, back to the WW update. I began my WW journey in October of 2006. It sure doesn't seem like it was almost 4 years ago. I made lifetime in June 2008 [after 6 weeks maintenance]...wow, that was 2 years ago when I was 10 weeks pregnant with P. Since then, my journey has consisted of mostly back roads and dead ends. As L would describe, I've been yo-yoing for the last 18 months. So, I'm calculating an approximate goal for the 34 lbs that I have left to lose to meet my lifetime status again. I was at my current weight 194.8 in May 2007 and hit my lowest point in May 2008 (kind of sad that it took me a year to lose 36.4 lbs). Realistically I have to set my weight loss goal of 33.8 lbs for 9 months from now (May 2011). I need to lose approx. 4 lbs a month.

Here we go!

Day 6

PHEW -- we're almost done!! I'm not "jonesing" for sugar like I thought I would be, but I'm excited about being able to eat what I want again. I did almost quit last night, but like I have considered it so many other times this week, I chose not to.

It's official, I'm definitely starting WW tomorrow. It's going to be tough going back (and feeling like I've failed with my weight loss goals from the last 18 months) but I'm dedicated. I've always said that I'd like to be a leader for teens and I noticed that the local WW offers teen classes once a week. If I can get back down to my goal weight, I can lead classes for teens!

breakfast
grits, eggs, and cheese
grape juice

lunch
tuna (mixed with yogurt) -- not to bad!
wheat crackers
grapes

snack
chips and dip :( [at least it was sugar free]

dinner
I'm not sure yet...

Day 5

Last night I got major compliments on my spaghetti by L. He said that it was by far the best he's had (coming from me anyway). I usually buy the cheap stuff (I'm not a fan of all that added junk) but he seemed to like the organic sauce. It was pretty good I guess but I added my own seasoning to the meat before I put the sauce in it. Gordon Ramsay said something about how you should season everything so I figured what the heck. I've put all my seasoning on top of my stove so that I can see it and it has made it easier to remember what I have.

BTW, if you don't read my comments, the banana bread was horrible. Thank goodness P will eat anything. I think I'll stick with the other recipe if I make it again. I'm not a big bread person but I usually eat cereal or a granola bar for breakfast (it's fast) and the bread is an easy eat.

breakfast
1 slice of super yucky banana bread
1 cup grape juice (YUM!)

lunch
leftover spaghetti

dinner
chicken and something??

I'm going stir crazy in this house...P and I are heading to the doctor to see what's up with his rash. My gut tells me everything is fine but my mom brain would feel better with a professional's opinion.

We are hopefully scheduling a family photo session next weekend so I may go looking for clothes for us to wear. I'm a fan of the "dressing similar" family portraits. The background is a sunflower field so I'm thinking of blue colors...we'll see. I'm just dying to get out of the house. Hopefully this rash isn't contagious...that's why we've been staying in.

Oh, and I've decided to start attending WW meetings again. Some previous plans have [not really worked out] changed so I might as well try to get this weight off.

day 4

Honestly, this whole "no sugar" thing is kind of boring. I think that I'm eating worse but I have lost 1.5 lbs. I really didn't do this to lose weight. I did it to try to make a more conscious effort when selecting food to eat. Anyway, I just don't feel like it's making a huge difference. I like that I can eat anything I want and still lose weight but I think the WW lifestyle is better for me. I feel like this whole "journey" is lonely. I don't feel like anyone else around thinks about the 20 lbs they're going to gain before eating that plate of french fries and that ice cream. I want so badly to be able to just eat and not worry about the pounds that will be packed on from the food. I guess that's why all this is so hard for me. It's like a constant battle that I'm always losing. At my lowest weight I worried the most about what I ate. I wish I could find a point where I'm happy with my weight and happy with what I eat.

Oh well...P is really fussing at me today. He's been sick so it's been super fun times in my house (makes all this especially fun)

** P is taking a nap...this is in the oven now!! **

breakfast
fruit smoothie (P drank half of it -- he's such a beggar)

lunch
leftovers from last night

dinner
munched on chips and cheese while cooking
spaghetti

day 3

well, day 2 went better -- I definitely did not feel like I was dying. I've noticed today, though, that I've struggled with the need to eat today. So far, I've put the snacking off but I'm probably about to hit up the watermelon bowl.

breakfast
fruit smoothie (strawberries, blackberries, grapes)

lunch
left overs from last night
1 slice of banana bread

dinner
stewed beef tips (not the best decision to cook in the skillet)
homemade gravy
smashed cauliflower
bowl of watermelon (shared with P)

I'm planning on making another loaf of banana bread tonight and might use a different recipe...yummy good stuff!

day 2

Last night ended on a better note. A full belly helped my headache go away. I was a little excited about getting started on day two and the challenges that I'll have with finding lunch. I've prepared breakfast and dinners but did not really plan for lunch.

breakfast
1 slice of my banana bread
1 cup milk

snack
1 slice banana bread

lunch
pan grilled scallops
rice
watermelon

dinner
my version of shrimp mixed (an entree from a local Mexican restaurant)
shrimp, rice, cheese sauce, caramelized onions, bell peppers, tomatoes

after dinner snack
1 piece of banana bread

here we go!

started my "sugar cleanse" today...so far so good I guess. I forgot to weigh on the Wii before I ate or drank anything. I'll just go by the bathroom scale I guess.

I'm guessing that the week will go quickly though, so here we go.

breakfast
I had egg whites and cheese (I don't normally just eat the whites, but a recipe called for egg whites a while back and I had to buy a big thing of them...so I'm paying for it now) with whole wheat crackers, and apple juice (100% natural - no sugar added). I didn't finish my eggs (thought maybe I wasn't hungry anymore) but I'm dreaming of chocolate.

lunch
super healthy...chips and cheese dip (yeah right!!)
yogurt, grapes, and watermelon.

dinner
cedar plank salmon
baked potato
banana nut bread (made without sugar)

*I'm dying [I've got a horrible headache] just give me one tiny chocolate chip please.*

flop :(

well, my first attempt at homemade was a total flop. I wish I could make a pun out of this but I just didn't do it right I guess. My mix did not rise :(

I don't consider myself to be a master chef, but I can usually make something that I set out to make.

I used the recipe on the bag of flour and not the recipe that I had originally planned to use. There's just too much involved in making bread. I may just skip out and use the whole wheat Triscuit crackers for "bread" next week.

not yet...

well, L isn't being supportive. Apparently this is the stupidest thing I've done. I guess I know where he's coming from. When I first read about this in Lacey's post, I thought...this is stupid. EVERYTHING has sugar (milk was the one thing for me that you just can't cut out but it doesn't have added sugar). I did realize that it's the added sugar that is important. I guess that maybe it's more about limiting my added sugars. This morning I tried to get started. I had milk, eggs, and cheese for breakfast. But when lunch time came around, I couldn't find a thing to eat. I'd planned on tuna and crackers for lunch [mayo and crackers have sugar in them]. I also think I need to research more possibilities since apparently EVERYTHING in my kitchen cabinets has sugar in it. I've found some recipes for crackers and tortilla's without sugar and I plan on making those. I'm going to give myself another week and start things next Sunday. If you have any ideas or good recipes for me, add them in the comments. This is going to be harder than I thought. Fingers crossed...

last supper

I'm lonely -- L has been working early every day for the last (shoot I can't count) __ days. Usually, I have several nights where he's late but because the last weekend he worked was an early weekend, and he worked early on Tuesday so he could go to a concert, I'm out of practice with his late nights.

Loneliness causes me to do things that I normally wouldn't do. Insert sad and depressing movie here...7 pounds. Have you seen it? It's like, put a freaking warning before the movie that people who have lost a loved one in a car accident should not watch. Of course car accidents get me thinking about mom and get me thinking about what everyone (okay not really everyone) said...she did it on purpose. Was I that bad of a daughter that she just couldn't make it to see her grandson being born? I go through my mind about our last conversation. I was so drugged up and so exhausted that I don't remember what we said. All I remember is telling her to be careful and take her time. P could wait on her. Then there was the phone call I knew would come one day or another. She'd always said that when she killed herself (not if) it would be in a way where neither my sister or I found her. She said that someone else would have to deal with her. She said that she'd take the dogs with her. So, I just find it somewhat ironic that she dies in a car accident with both dogs in tow. It's so hard (even still) to see or hear about a deadly accident. I constantly see a picture of what that accident was probably like for her. I saw the car afterward. Any somewhat smart human can determine what happened. I just don't understand but will never know if it was really an accident or if she really did it on purpose. What does it matter I guess. When she attempted suicide in 2008, she told me one thing afterward. She said that there was nothing left for her. When I confronted her about what I meant to her she simply said that I'd moved on with my life and I didn't need her anymore. So, as a counselor, I realize these thoughts are not rational, but they are still my thoughts. I got tired of hearing bad news every time the phone rang. I miss her so much, but my life is easier now. That sure doesn't help the pain I feel. I feel her loneliness, the fact that she had nothing left but sat around on a Saturday night waiting for me to call her [cause no one else was calling her]. I'd given up on her. I got tired of the bad news all the time so I quit calling as much. But now I feel everything she felt. It's almost like the car accident was her last final f-u to me. I think about what things would be like if she were around now. I'd probably still be paying her bills. She'd probably still be completely unhappy. We'd fight about something. I still miss her though. I wish I could have called her when I got my NCE test scores in the mail. I wish I could call her when I'm sad and miss her. I just want to hear her voice again. I dream about her all the time. I've forgotten what she sounded like.

with all that being said, guess what was on the dinner menu tonight? McDonalds!
Big Mac
med. caramel frap.
small fries

tomorrow I start my sugar fast (well, that is if I can get the grocery shopping done) -- it may be Monday.

more on the "NO SUGAR challenge"

**UPDATE**

I went to the grocery store yesterday and basically EVERYTHING has added sugar if it's in a can, jar, box, etc. I was able to find some organic spaghetti sauce [but I could always make my own spaghetti sauce] that did NOT have sugar in it as well as some organic pasta but I'll probably just steam a spaghetti squash. I've had one in my fridge for a while now...I bet it's bad :( I did not find any bread that didn't have some form of sugar in it. Yesterday when I was doing my research I found that bread needs the sugar to metabolize or something like that. L was arguing with me last night about how I can't use pasta and rice because it all braeks down to sugar anyway. He thinks the whole thing is silly but of course, he'll be eating his fast food for lunch every day so it won't really help him any. I was saddened to see that my bacon has sugar. Sigh...

so far, here's my ideas for recipes so far...
breakfast will be eggs and cheese with applesauce or a smoothie of some sort.
spaghetti squash and meatsauce
skillet grilled chicken with fresh veggies
chicken piccata

I'm going to take a picture of everything in my cabinet that has added sugar. This will be depressing.

Here's a running list of resources I'm using -- OH, and I'm avoiding artificial sweeteners as well.

Lacey's post that inspired me -- but I sure can't do it for a month.

another blogger who completed the challenge in a week [I don't know this person]

Inside the Pyramid - added sugars

info on hidden sugars

The shopping list and plan [so far] -- obviously anything on this list will not have added sugar.
yogurt
lots of fresh fruit
canned fruit (in case my fresh fruit can't last the week)
unsweetened applesauce
tuna
search for wraps or breads [this will probably be tough]
dinner meals should be easy
if I eat out, I'll need to have a plan in advance [my fear is that it will be hard to know for sure -- salads all the way]


--more later

No Sugar??

Well, I've decided to do it...it sure will be tough.

Next week, I'm going without "ADDED" sugar for 7 days. Louis is off 4 of the 7 days and we usually have our "date lunches" -- what was I thinking! Till then, I'm going to research things without added sugar and go ahead and plan my meals for the 7 day period. I really don't have a reason for this except that I'm craving sweets like you wouldn't believe and they seem to be my downfall. Sweets lead to salty, which leads to more sweets, which leads to more salty...you see my problem.

I haven't been good since I stopped the whole "document your every bite of food" challenge. I've probably gained all the weight back (I haven't checked). I'll check on Monday...

So, no ketchup or ranch...but milk and beef is acceptable. I'm not considering this a diet, just a way to challenge myself to eat healthier.

Thanks a lot Lacey! (a hint of sarcasm ;-)

some of my favorites

Here are a few staples in my house right now...

Jif Natural -- 190 calories (5). I rarely eat 2 tbs at a time. I blame blog posts a certain two ladies had about spoonfuls of peanut butter!! PB is super high in calories and fat, but it's a good source of protein.
Archer Farms dill pickle flavored cashews -- 160 calories (4) for 1/4 of a cup (but I rarely eat a full serving at a time) I like these because the dill flavoring is a type of flavor that is best in moderation.
Natura Valley granola thins -- D-FRIGGIN-LICIOUS! 80 calories (2). Not normally something I'd waste 2 pts. on, but it's like eating a cookie and well, cookies are usually 4 pts. a piece.

AND THE BIG DEAL!!
Thomas thin bagels [110 calories (1)] and high fiber English muffins [100 calories (1)]. The bagels are a big deal for me because I LOVE bagels! Usually, they're about 4 pts. a piece. I can make my usual breakfast sandwich for about 4 pts [compare to a regular McDonald's bacon, egg and chesse biscuit covered in butter at 420 calories (10)]

silence...

silence from me as a blogger is usually a bad thing.

Let's just say that I've eaten out at a restaurant of some sort every day for the last week [maybe not since I've gone back and thought about it]. If you kept up with my 30 days, you didn't see me eating out much. Eating out is my weakness (it used to be pretty easy when I was hard core on WW).

Just to get it out there, I'm going to try to remember...
Sunday -- didn't eat out, but didn't cook very well either (dinner consisted of tv dinners, fried pickles and fried string cheese [which btw wasn't all that great])
Saturday -- didn't eat out, but L grilled burgers (Angus beef, chips, 2 brownies!!)
Friday -- Italian...need I say more
Thursday -- Steak and Shake...seriously, need I say more (bad news!)
Wednesday -- met J at a good resturaunt and had a healthy (mushrooms, tomatoes, spinach, and mozzarella cheese) sandwich...but with chips and cake for dessert, not so good for you.
Tuesday of last week -- K drove up for the day...lunch at Corkey's (catfish po-boy)

so yeah...I've got some work to do.

it's a new day...

So, today was the first day after my 30 days of craziness -- 30 days of pictures (on average 90 pictures total). Today was the day that I decided to have a blast and splurge...seriously, I was thinking about majorly big stuff...blizzards, french fries, triple Baconators (btw I've never had one of those).

But I didn't...

Had a thin sliced bagel for breakfast (only 100 calories and 1 ww point) and cream cheese (the 1/3 less fat stuff - Neufchatel cheese or whatever it is)

Met K at Lenny's for lunch -- considered the club sub (loaded with mayo) and chips but decided on the grilled chicken salad (splurged on 1 packet of blue cheese dressing and lemonade to drink). Came home and had a chocolate chip cookie (another splurge).

I think the thing that the last 30 days has taught me is that I can make "better" choices. They might not be the best, but the last 4 years of my major weight loss journey has been about making the "better" choice. I might not lose 90 pounds (I can't lose 90 lbs) like I did back then, but I can get back to a more reasonable weight. I have to think about the Biggest Loser. Those folks come on and lose a ridiculous amount of weight by the finale...most put back on about 20 lbs and will probably live that weight for the rest of their life. Why? Because it's a healthy weight for them and they've figured out how to maintain it. I've maintained my current weight for a year. It's not a healthy weight for me, but I have maintained it. I will never be a size 2...wait, I'll probably never be a size 10 but I know I can be a size 12. It may take a while...but I'll get there. Some of you out there will never understand my battle. Some of you do now...but it is what it is, my battle.

Day 29!!

Today was a pretty decent day...had company come over and we both managed to fight the urge and resisted getting a chicken basket and blizzard from Dairy Queen...but how good would this have been? Man, I love that home-style gravy and Texas toast!



Tomorrow is Day 30 and I can honestly say I'm glad it's over. Taking pictures and blogging every day sure is time consuming. I take back what I said earlier...being at home makes it harder to blog (easier to cook healthy foods).

I've got company coming to town tomorrow just for the day...I'm guessing that we'll be good though, cause she's a healthy girl and she won't let me go astray. I have an awesome fruit salad substance in my fridge for us. Cool Whip is pretty healthy, right? ;-)

Breakfast
peanut butter and chocolate chip granola bar -- (2)

Lunch
Grilled cheese
bread x2 -- 40 calories (1)
2% cheddar sliced cheese x2 -- 45 (1)
sweet tea -- hehe
fruit salad (grapes, strawberries, banana, cool whip lite) -- no idea

Dinner
buffalo chicken quesadilla
tortillas x2 -- 130 calories (2)
chicken -- approx 150 calories (3)
2 slices provolone -- 160 calories (4)
mushrooms -- 1/4 cup (0)
edamame -- 1/2 cup (2)
ranch -- 200 calories? (4)

Day 28?

Well, I've failed I guess...I've taken pictures of my main meals, but now of the snacking I've been doing. Like tonight while I was cooking dinner (baked fish, baked sweet potato fries, and grilled squash) I had about 15 Ruffles and cheese dip to go along with it...and the half of a chocolate chip cookie. It's basically be like that all weekend.

Day 30 is almost here. I didn't realize how time consuming it would be to take pictures of everything but man... I'm not giving up though.

Since we're almost done with this big project (and I've decided to take a break from taking all these pictures) I'm trying to think about my next "challenge."

Here's what I've considered...
1. cooking every meal for 7 days from my Hungry Girl cookbook (but almsot every other recipie requires Fiber One cereal or Laughing Cow cheese (hmmm)
2. only taking pictures when I eat something bad (i.e. eating out, sweets [my one true weakness], etc?
3. cooking out of some other cookbook that I have for 7 days (about 10 or so)
4. recommendations??

either way, I think I'm going to take a week off to think about it and decide -- I've got some things I need to consider.

You know, they say it takes 21 days to make a habit and it would seem that 21 days is when I crashed...

The last time I got on the Wii (yesterday morning) I was down to 185 -- finally broke over that hump -- so this "experiment" has helped me to lose 9 lbs (from what my bathroom scale says). That's not too shabby for a month.

check out my new TV! Loving how easy it is to take pictures of the TV.

Day 26

I've taken pictures of everything I've eaten, but the days are all just running together so I'll start back on today. I've been stressed about finishing my living room. We finally have paint on the walls and today we began putting the last pieces of furniture together. L swore that we'd never buy put-together furniture again, but it's cheaper and just as nice in my opinion. I've put together 2 bookshelves and L and I put together the tv stand today.

Day 24

Don't count me out...I'm in the middle of a major house project and a craft project. I've been taking pictures...just haven't had time to post. Plus, P is being a bit needy and I don't have much time to play around.

Day 23

Still out of food...

Breakfast
150 calories (3)
Lunch
1 hot dog (beef) -- 170 calories (4)
Vitatops corn muffin -- 100 calories (1)
cottage cheese -- 100 calories (2)

Dinner
L was dragging his feet about dinner...didn't' want me to cook but I was starving.
trail mix -- about 150 calories (3)
ended up eating at 9:45 -- we were painting
finally made a can of tuna and had 3/4 of this pack of crackers :(
tuna -- 110 calories (2)
mayo -- 90 calories (2)
relish -- 15 calories (0)
crackers -- gonna guess 200 calories (4)

Day 22

Breakfast

150 calorie granola bar (3)
Lunch
Smart One's TV dinner -- Vodka something (6)

Dinner
I'm out of food...
2 hot dogs -- 170 calories a piece (8)
a disgusting combo of couscous and cheese with salsa... 200 calories (4) but I only ate 2 bites

Day 21

Breakfast

made a Father's Day breakfast in bed for L

P shared this with me
1/2 cup grits -- 130 calories (2)
approx 1.5 eggs -- 45 calories (1)
1 slice 2% cheese -- 90 calories (2)
3 slices bacon -- 70 calories (2)

Lunch
6 (yes 6) pancakes -- no idea...didn't even count.

Dinner
Rice-A-Roni 15 cheese (I exaggerate a bit) rice (1 cup) -- 270 calories (6)
patty pan squash -- approx. 1 cup (2)

this doesn't include the 2 hand fulls of chocolate chips, the two {or was it four} spoon fulls of cool whip, the tablespoon of peanut butter, hmm...what else?

Day 20

Breakfast
It was a busy morning...only had time to blend a Slim Fast -- 200 calories (4)

Lunch
tuna on deli flat -- 300 calories (5)
Doritos -- 140 (3)
cottage doubles -- 100 calories (2)
Afternoon snack
1 tbs Jif Naturals peanut butter -- 100 calories (2)
teddy grahams -- 50 calories (1)

Dinner
the most disgusting veggi Tacos ever -- not even sure of the calories really
about 160 calories (3) for veggie meat and seasoning
200 calories (4) for the shells
150 calories (3) for cheese
Taco Bell salsa about 50 calories (1)
This was my 3rd meal with MorningStar substitute and this meal made me dislike that stuff a whole lot...not sure why, but the texture was off for me. I tossed all the leftovers :^(

Day 19

I'm still feeling bad -- I think that's why I'm having so much trouble with everything. I've had a headache today and a semi-sore throat (dry mouth no matter how much water I drink). Yuck!

I'd like one of these please...LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE. I want chocolate, I miss chocolate. I have some semi-sweet pieces here, I may have to eat a few :D

anyway, on to reality...

Breakfast
grits -- 130 calories (2)
1.5 eggs with a little cheese -- 90 calories (2)
1/2 cup grapefruit -- 30 calories (1)

Lunch -- TBA

Dinner -- TBA

Day 18

True to the way things have been going the past 18 days...today was no different. I really haven't felt like posting anything but I did take pictures of everything to help me along the way. I'll spend time posting pictures tomorrow for everything (today and tomorrow).

I got on the Wii this morning and had lost weight. I don't remember how much, but I'm back down to 186. I just can't get past that...

I'm starving! I feel like I'm always hungry (at least the last week).

A told me something about an icing she made with Cool Whip and semi-sweet chocolate chips [both of which I have] and I've been really tempted to make it myself and just eat out of the bucket. You see, these are the things I struggle with. I can report that I've yet to do it, but I'm dying for some chocolate.

Breakfast
Slim Fast shake (added watermelon) -- approx 250 (5)

Lunch
Lean Cuisine [Butternut Squash Ravioli: my fav!] -- (5)
11 Doritos [I was starving and couldn't wait for my lunch to heat up] -- 150 calories (3)

Dinner
Chicken & Dumplings -- 190 calories (4)
1/2 cup edamame -- 50 calories (1)
1 large baked potato -- (3)
2 tablespoons Smart Balance butter -- 100 (2)

total points consumed -- 23
total points remaining -- 1
BONUS points remaining -- 22

Day 17

Got on the Wii today...gained another 1.8. I didn't take a picture because I was so mad at the Wii. My bathroom scale still has me at the same consistent weight for the last few days but it's not as "accurate" as the Wii. I'm pretty depressed and decided to try to kick my body back into gear. A while ago at a WW meeting, my leader mentioned that when your body gets used to your routine, it's good to change things up a bit. She recommended that I eat a cheeseburger and it was just what I needed. Now, I acknowledge that eating cheeseburgers isn't something to do on a regular basis, but I'm going to try something today and see what happens. I figure that if I down a lot of water (something I probably haven't been doing enough of), maybe I can get going again. I've decided that I'm going to weigh once a week. It's too depressing to do it every day. Or at least I won't post it but once a week.

Today should be interesting...going to a birthday party for the Children's Museum. They're going to have a lot of "fun" food to eat. I'll take a picture of everything I eat...but you can guarantee that it won't be good.

Breakfast
I was feeling bad this morning. My body felt empty almost...like I should get some protein and "filling" foods in my system before heading to the Children's Museum.
instant grits -- 130 calories (2)
1 egg (Egg Beaters) -- 30 calories (0)
1 tbs bacon pieces -- 25 calories (0)
1 cup 1% milk -- 100 calories (2)
adding 1 pt. for eggs and bacon combined (1)

Lunch
Yeah, that's right -- I was bad! What are you going to do about it!
calories are estimations from http://www.calorieking.com
hot dog (ketchup only) -- 315 (8)
nachos (I didn't share!) -- 530 (12)
Gigi's mini cupcake [the thing that looks like butter] -- 100 calories (2)
lots and lots of water

Tina, can you believe P didn't share his cotton candy :(

Dinner
Thai Shrimp with veggies and teriyaki rice
10 shrimp -- approx 150 calories (3)
Teriyaki rice -- 200 calories (4)
(baby corn [50 calories (1)] and bamboo [25 calories(0)])
cup of broccoli -- 30 calories (0)

total points consumed -- 35
total points remaining -- (-11)
BONUS points remaining -- 22