PointsPlus

So, I'm super behind on updates. I guess I just haven't had a reason to vent. That's pretty much what I use this for anyway. I just haven't felt like writing much lately. I've started the new PointsPlus program and have mixed thoughts about it. First thing, I've been doing WW for 4 years now and I've had to completely rethink everything I've every thought about the program and I've started to trash everything that I've ever saved...cookbooks, recipes, etc. all with the old Points values on them. There are aspects of the program that I like (free fruit and some free veggies) but I also hate that most of the stuff I used to eat has now increased a bit. I get their new plan...to keep me from using my points to eat the crap I used to, but it makes me sad that my 1 pt. fudge bar is now 3 pts! Anyway, in the first week, I lost 3.5 lbs (post Thanksgiving)...but last week I gained 2 of that back. My food scale died so I haven't been measuring and counting this week like I should have but I bought a new one yesterday. I'm honestly afraid that I may not have been eating enough. I've got a rough food season ahead...Christmas celebrated twice, trip to LA, 2 weddings, and 3 birthday parties in the 6 weeks. Boy oh boy...

so...

I've been a little MIA huh? I finally found my camera so I plan to catch up on my photo blog over the weekend.

I finished The Help (part of my 30B430 journey). Man, that book sure was hard to get started. I have some pretty serious reading issues, it was a little difficult to comprehend the speech. Anyway, after several chapters, I was able to get in a flow and it was hard to put it down. It's a little harder to read books now that I have to juggle P but I did finally finish it.

I've started Into the Wild. I received this book a long while back from an old boss of mine when he was cleaning out his office. He highly recommended that I read it and it's been sitting on my bookshelf since. Funny thing, when I was looking for books that had been made into movies, I found this one and figured what the heck. I'm really enjoying it so far. There's something really special about the story of this guy who drops everything, donates his entire savings to charity, and decides to roam the country. You know how the book ends at the very beginning, but this story is about his journey.

I think I might try Morning Glory next. I saw it on the shelves at Target today and thought about buying it, but figured I should at least get through this one first. The reviews don't look very promising though so maybe not?

Anyway...I went and weighed at WW today - stupid me wore my tennis shoes. I was up a pound from 2 weeks ago (I skipped last week for a family outing that was a bust), but I'm guessing that my shoes probably weigh 2 lbs. If nothing else, I should have a little cushion for next week ;-) I'm still struggling with all of this but with a big announcement of changes in the WW program starting in December, I'm holding out for the new program. I hear that you're able to eat all the fruit and veggies you want. When I did WW previously, I didn't count my fruit and veggies and that really worked for me. Who knows though...sadly, my resolution for the year was to lose 30 lbs and I've only lost like 10. I guess it's something huh?

On a completely different note, I've become obsessed with itso cube storage bins from Target!! Right now, Target has a sale on some of the products. I've used them for several different things -- very versatile!

dude, where's my camera?

I've lost my camera....my car is a big ole mess and I'm sure hoping it's in there. It sure is a nice camera. At first I thought it may have been stolen out of my car, but my flute is still sitting on the seat.

Bummer....

remember me?

P has no idea who the person in this picture is. He asks, "Mama, who's that?" This is an old picture, and it's weird to see, but I was this girl a while back and I'm proud to say that I won't be her again. I'm seriously not sure how I ever let it get that bad. I'm just trucking along -- slowly but surely wins the race right? It just so slow. I was thinking the other day about how I have no idea how much I weigh right now or how much weight I've lost in the last 3 months. I know it's somewhere around 7.5 pounds (which I think is ridiculous but I've accepted it). When I did WW the first time, I thought it was silly when people had no idea how much weight they had lost but that's who I am. I think it has a lot to do with the slow progress and the up .2 down .6 funk I'm in the middle of. We took a bunch of pictures while trick-or-treating last night and I wasn't completely disgusted with how I look. I have somewhere around 27 pounds left to lose before being at goal for WW. It has been such a slow journey, but at least I can look at this and know that I won't be her again. It's worth it, I just need to look back sometimes and see how far I've come.

product recommendation!!

If you're like me, you want to make sure you have plenty of options to get in your allotted fruit for the day. I started buying these for P a while back because of the variety of fruit in a fruit cup to add to the other fruit sources he gets -- at least one per meal (I always dumped out the juice and flushed the fruit with water a couple of times before giving it to him)...plus, I stole the cherries (gasp, I know). When I picked up a couple of packages the other day, I realized the new label at the bottom of the packaging...now in 100% fruit juices!! Geeze, this is huge. It's so hard to find good fruit cups and the good ones are usually coated in some sort of "lite syrup." This one is sooo delicious -- if you like all the fruits in side. The juices it's packed in appear to be lemon and white grape juice from concentrate. It has a pineappley twang to it, but I love pineapple.

some of the important nutritional stats -- if I didn't put it here, it's trivial to me.
1 WW point
70 calories
0g fat
1 g fiber
16g sugars
Vitamin A -- 2%
Vitamin C -- 45%
Iron -- 2%

down!

I lost a pound this week. Talked to Lisa at the WW meeting while I was in line to weigh. I told her that I had seriously considered not coming back. She praised me for my loss (but I was hoping for more) and encouraged me to keep coming and said that with only 27 lbs to go before I reach my goal weight, I should keep chugging along. I told her that technically, I needed to lose 33 lbs in order to lead my own classes - she always talked to me about leading my own class one day - but her reaction was different this time around. As I sat in the meeting this week I thought about how I relate the most to reality therapy when working with clients. I asked myself (I didn't pay much attention to the actual meeting) if I was happy where I was. I am making excuses for where I currently am, and I am choosing to eat foods and not track, I am choosing to not exercise knowing what the consequences are for not doing so. I've said it a thousand times...WW is 100% effective in losing weight and keeping it off, but the trick is, you have to be 100% invested in the lifestyle change. I've realized that while I want a quick fix for weight loss, I am not 100% invested, therefore I am not going to get the speedy results that I want. I am in it though...it just means that it will take longer and I have to accept that. I'm not sure why 1 pound isn't good enough.

Thoughts though...these people on Biggest Loser started waaay heavier than I did (this time around anyway) and in less time than I'd ever hope for, they will be super skinny and fit. What's the difference between us? Besides having 8-10 hrs a day to work out and trainers and all the healthy food you could ask for (free healthy food is the important point here), they want it. If they don't want it, somehow it always works out that they leave the show.

So...I'm going to stick with it for now. We'll see where my journey goes.

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On a COMPLETELY different note -- we get the Hub channel now and Doogie Howser, MD comes on...talk about a flash back!

"shock to the system"

I know I talk about my mom a lot on here...I'm slowly healing -- this is my outlet. It helps me get these feelings out. I lived my whole life (most of it anyway) hiding feelings and emotions till I finally found friends who would listen and not judge; amazing friends. Just when I think that I'm done grieving something else comes up. I'm good right now -- this isn't me going back into a rut and dealing with things again...for the millionth time. But I read this today and it hit home.

I used to read "Grey Matter" a long while back but time prevented me from keeping up. I had some free time tonight and I thought I'd catch up. I really like where they are going with this season of Grey's because in a way, it hits home for me. It's like that constant PTSD from an accident that I was not involved in. Every time I'm in a car, I think about her accident. I picture in my mind what happened and it scares the mess out of me; it makes me so incredibly sad to think about what she went through when she was thrown from her car. Was she conscious? Did she feel pain? Did she pray to God to take her? When the witness to the accident called me, had he seen all of this? Does he live with these images every day? Does he even think about that woman whose phone he picked up and dialed? Does he think about me -- the girl who told him she was in labor waiting for her mom to show? I picture the scene of her dog/best friend lying beside her -- the way they found him. These images are in my head. I wasn't on the scene. I haven't talked to anyone who witnessed the accident, but I'm constantly picturing it in my mind. Things have gotten easier. I no longer cry when I see an accident. Sometimes I'm even able to pass the accident site and don't even realize I've passed it till I've passed it (what a strange sentence). But there's always something that triggers an emotion. Now on to the reason for the post...

"If you’ve ever lost someone, or been terribly hurt, I think it’s fair to say that no matter how good a job you’ve done grieving, no matter far you’ve gotten past the pain, you’re never really safe from feeling that loss again. You run across a picture. A thing they gave you. You hear a song, or someone says a phrase, and suddenly that loss and pain is as present and immediate as if it was happening right now. It’s a shock, a complete surprise and, like the original event itself, something you can never see coming, never prepare yourself for. Because a trauma this immense doesn’t heal quickly. It creates wounds so deep they won’t make themselves known for a long time to come. And when they do, they blindside you." -- Bill Harper GA writer